Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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