I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
