Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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