did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
