i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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