I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
