You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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