Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
