i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
