Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
