So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
