I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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