How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
