and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
