so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
