So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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