if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I deserve this hangover.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
