They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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