she looked like the before picture.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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