We got so high we made milksteak
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
