I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
