I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
