i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
