So drunk its hurt
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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