I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
