I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
