hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
