Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
