Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
