She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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