She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
