I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
