It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
