I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
