Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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