I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
