I think i peed on brittanys purse
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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