2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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