hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
