is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
