If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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