what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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