why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
