I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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