ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
