Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
