I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
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If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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