Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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