at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
