Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
