Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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