areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
