Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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