I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
