So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
