5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They took my balls.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
