I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
