So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
