I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
