I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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