i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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