i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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