tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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