On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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