Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
