Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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