last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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