Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
