yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
