Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize