New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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