At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
