I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
