This is not my ceiling
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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