this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Congratulations! We have a period
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
