i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
