i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
