1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
