you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
