You just made me feel so damn special
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I believe in your delicious
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
