Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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