Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
