i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
